People Pleasing

Humans are social animals, as we have discussed a number of times in the past. Interactions with others in the society acts as a fuel for strong relationships. There is immense complexity in the human mind, as well social interactions, which makes life interesting and convoluted at the same time.

Today, we will discuss one such facet of life, which is to a degree inherent in all of us.

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.

– Aristotle

First of all, a belated Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates. 🙂

I feel like I start a number of my articles with this realisation, but here goes again. Human beings are intricate creatures. We have a lot going on in our bodies. The biological processes which ensure our sustenance are immaculate, and that itself is an arduous to understand concept.

Add to it consciousness, something which we are yet to fully explore if you ask me. This trait separates us from the all the species in the universe, and puts us right at the top of the food chain. The capabilities we have are such that we are on the verge of giving inanimate objects sentience.

That’s not all, bring in another fundamental building block, which has allowed us to survive countless catastrophes in the past, and I am sure keep the human race safe for at least another 200 years. I am alluding to human interaction and society.

There is no denying the fact that human beings are social creatures, and our continued sustenance is a testament to the benefits of the societal structure. Most of us can state with utmost confidence where our strengths lie, and where we tend to fall prey to our weaknesses.

All successful institutions, be it organisations, families or relationships, greatly capture this phenomenon, where one member’s weaknesses are greatly complemented by another one’s strengths. This is called a synergistic relationship, which is a natural phenomenon across the animal and human kingdoms.

Since we are all social creatures, all of us have an inherent desire to continue to be part of someone’s (or many others’) lives. The sense of belonging we get is a need which has been explored deeply in the past, and has made its way into various models, including Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

There are a number of ways that we leverage to continue to be part of the society. A straight forward one is through bringing value, which solidifies our place in groups and families. Others are entertainment, where people would keep you around because they like to be around you due to your entertaining personality.

However, the way we want to explore today may not be a full-fledged way to ensure continuance of our membership to society, but rather a tactic that we consciously or unconsciously use. The topic we want to touch upon today is people pleasing.

Now, what exactly is people pleasing? This tendency makes us undertake activities which may or may not be in our self-interest, but are certainly in the interest of others in the society/group. This effort, consciously or unconsciously in our minds ensures continued membership of the institution in question.

Now, since there is a duality of the activity not being conducive for ourselves, there is a potential downside of engaging in people pleasing behaviour. Plus, there is an added uncertainty of the activity positively influencing the “other” in question as well. Consequently, masses speak about the detriments of this behaviour.

“You can’t please everyone”, “If you’re pleasing everyone, you’re not being true to yourself” are all sayings which make a lot of sense, to a lot of people. There has been a tremendous outpouring of support for such statements, and rightfully so, to a degree.

I agree with the school of thought as well, that being agreeable all the time is usually not the best strategy to be a valuable member of the society. However, these days, this school of thought has been taken to an absurd extreme, where people are “unapologetically themselves”, even if the “self”, isn’t really worth it to begin with.

Therefore, I would like to make a small adjustment to this philosophy.

You can’t please everyone, but that doesn’t mean that you should please no one.

I feel there needs to be a balance between people pleasing tendencies and extreme independence. The reason is that fitting in with the society has (and I’m saying this with shock as well) become an underrated trait. In the pursuit of following the road not taken, we shouldn’t bash the road taken by many.

If you stuck around this far, thank you for your time. If you enjoyed this, share this with one friend of yours whom you think will benefit from reading this. Thanks for reading, and I will see you in the next one. 🙂