116. Is Contentment impossible to have?

We’re told that life is all about maximising everything.

Maximise your efforts to get the maximum results. Maximise learning to gain maximum wisdom.

All through our lives, we focus on doing more, wanting more, being more.

But what if the road to contentment was the other way around?

Let’s try to shift our perspectives towards ambition, contentment and happiness. Let’s take 5 minutes to understand if this shift in perspective will make our lives better.

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”
― Pearl S. Buck

A friend of mine has been struggling with this dilemma. I believe he might have a bit of a control problem. He exerts a lot of energy in making his environment controllable to the best of his abilities. He has the best stuff; the best car, the best phone, the best apartment; the works.

I like to think it is not from a place of ego, but from a place of concern. He’s a good guy, and he takes care of his loved ones.

And non-fiction agrees with this approach too. At least that is what I have read about, as I am sure you have. Even in Stephen Covey’s cult-classic, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, before reaching interdependence, one should maximise their locus of influence, which results in the increase in the size of their locus of control.

I was speaking to this very friend one day, commending him on his great attention to detail, his ability to close all loops and getting things done.

“Okay, great. Then why do I feel so overwhelmed all the time?“

This question was not something I expected coming out of him. He always seemed so put together, always taking on more to do, always accomplishing what he intended to.

While I stammered to respond to this question, he threw another one at me. A little heavier, a little more difficult.

“Is Contentment impossible to have?”

My jaw dropped. The guy who has his entire life together, takes care of everything and everyone around him isn’t contented?

Then who the hell in this world is?

Well, as you can imagine, the rest of my day went by in a haze. I kept on mulling over this notion of contentment for an couple of months, without having a breakthrough.

I met this friend again in a couple of months time. I actually visited his home this time, because it had been a while since I last went there. In my memory, his home was one of the most put together home I had ever seen. Modern gadgets, great art and luxurious furniture; something that makes you rethink your own style of living.

However, this time, the home looked different. It was spotless still, it still had great art per usual, in fact more and the same luxurious furniture, but I felt there was more space in his apartment than I usually experienced.

“Bro, what did you change in your apartment? It looks bigger.”

“Oh, the apartment hasn’t changed much. I just got rid of a few things I thought I absolutely needed. Turns out, I didn’t. My life is the same, and I have more space”.

This is when I got the much needed breakthrough for which I had been searching since I last met him.

What if the key to contentment is to care less?

Or for our maximalist brains,

What if the key to contentment is to maximise the things we are completely okay with going wrong?

Here’s the deal: No matter how much we try, there are things that will go wrong. And there is usually squat we can do about it. However, our brains are wired to try and control everything around us.

What we don’t usually try to temper are our own ambitions.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an advocate of a lazy lifestyle. Sloth is even considered a sin in Christian mythology. However, I feel that the term ambition has been colloqusalised.

Ambition is an internal trait. A drive within to be better a human being. And we have connected ambition to outcome.

In this capitalistic world, ambition directly correlates to more stuff. While there is nothing inherently wrong with the materialistic goals, we all know that doesn’t correlate to true contentment or happiness.

If you stuck around this far, thank you for your time. If you enjoyed this, share this with one friend of yours whom you think will benefit from reading this. Thanks for reading, and I will see you in the next one. 🙂