Reflection

Reflection is an exercise that almost all self-help/personal development gurus swear by. Reflection provides us with the capability to introspect and identify avenues for improvement in our personality. It provides us a way to grow.

During one of such sessions, I came to a very interesting epiphany (well it was for me at least), which I would like to share with everyone today.

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

― Confucious

Sometimes, I feel like I am a hypocrite. I try to live by peace, but pretty regularly, I find myself cribbing about something or the other. I’ll give you a very small example.

As children, me and a friend on mine, let’s call them X, were equals. Same class, same subjects, similar grades. We were even the same heights! And yet, I always felt that he was “cooler” than me. He had a calm, compassionate demeanour about everything, while I felt like an erratic.

He had this ability to say very compelling things. No one expected responses like his, and even further, at such a young age, no one expected to understand his points either, but somehow, they made sense. Not just to me, but to a lot of my friends also. Maybe that’s why we stayed friends for so long.

On the other hand, I was a bit of a fighter in school. I found it hard to keep my “cool” (pun intended), and it was customary for me to get into fights. Being complete compliments of each other, our friendship was of great value to one another.

One day, I had one of my ritualistic fights at school, which devolved into fisticuffs. Both of us got some good licks on one another. In my mind, I won. I’m sure my opponent won in his. But with black eyes and swollen cheeks, both of us were called into the Principal’s office. It was not a pretty day.

After the fight, X and I had the chance to finally talk through the details of the issue.

Upon his questioning about what happened, I said “He was blaming me for losing the basketball match the other day. However, everybody know he was the one who missed the clutch free throw, which caused them to score the three. I hate people who play the blame game.”.

My friend smiled like the enlightened POS (pardon my French) he was, and said “So, you might not like yourself very much”.

My mind was completely blown in that instant. With as little as eight words, he not only proved me a hypocrite, but also gave me an interesting insight, which I remember to this day. I hated people who play the blame game, while I was blaming someone else for the loss in the game.

It is interesting to see that almost all negative behaviours we indulge in, we tend to bring that into our own lives as well. Don’t like complainers, and are telling people about this virtue? Well, you’re complaining about complainers, and consequently you are one yourself.

For anyone who knows me, knows that I am a comic books/superhero movie buff, more precisely, I love the Punisher from Marvel and Batman from DC. The two are complimentary vigilantes. While Batman believes in not killing delinquents, Punisher is more of a lethal measure against crime. See below.

While I will always love the Punisher more, Batman has a point here, in which:

Blaming, complaining, everything negative are cyclical behaviours.

When we put the blame on something, we are including ourselves in the cycle. When we are rebuking others for how bad they are, we ourselves are guilty of rebuking.

This brings me to another daunting question of mine. Is there a way to be righteous, without being demeaning to others?

If you stuck around this far, thank you for your time. If you enjoyed this, share this with one friend of yours whom you think will benefit from reading this. Thanks for reading, and I will see you in the next one. 🙂