Narcissism

We live in an age that constantly promotes being kinder to ourselves. There are doctors, therapists and psychologists all across the globe that take every opportunity they can get to highlight how self love is the key to achieve sustaining happiness in life.

Is this completely true though? Today, we take a second to understand the concept of narcissism, and how it impacts us in disguise.

“Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins – is self pity.”

– Stephen Fry

Let’s face it. We all know someone we can confidently deem a narcissist. You know, the person who is so obsessed with themselves that it becomes difficult to bring them back to the real world at times. Always sitting on a high horse, constantly implying they are better than everyone and their mom.

And the world today doesn’t help to make them sufferable either. Today, everyone has this hand held ego booster, constantly inflating our sense of self in the form of small digital hearts and bubble icons which are just another post or a share away.

Social media has made us all believe ourselves to be celebrities in our own little worlds, and I’m not necessarily talking about “influencers” (don’t even get me started here). In a simpler time, sharing pictures with others used to be an occasion.

Think about it, two or three people would come over, let’s say, after a wedding in the family. There would be tea, coffee or a beverage of choice, maybe some snacks. There would be laughter, discussions and well, gossip surrounding the event. Viewing the pictures in itself became an occasion.

Well, that’s not the case anymore. Those little battery powered devils we call cell phones allow us to be an imagined prominent personality, someone whose posts the public has been eagerly waiting for. Is that true? Well, sure. If people care about you, they would for sure take a second to look at your content and engage.

And that is what has led to a sharp increase in narcissistic tendencies around the world. So much so, that there is a whole disorder named after these tendencies, which is called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”. According to surveys, anywhere between 0.5% to 6.2% people in the world suffer from NPD.

There are 40 total items in the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, which is a questionnaire that helps classify whether someone has narcissistic tendencies. It isn’t an end-all-be-all test for diagnosing someone, but can give a general insight and understanding about someone being on the scale, at least.

Now, deep down, I believe (because well, narcissism), all of us have some or the other traits of being a narcissist. Self-importance, an unhealthy obsession of making it big, lack of empathy. And honestly, this is pretty easy to spot also. However, I want to draw attention to another kind of narcissism today.

More often than not, we only classify the obnoxious snob as the narcissist. But today, I want to play the devil’s advocate. We dislike this person because he is the obvious choice for it. No one likes a show-off, a shameless self-promoter. This guy hogs all the momentary attention, before we desert him, to avoid him for all eternity.

However, cowering in the shadows is the other kind of narcissist. This is the person who also garners our attention, like the snob. But this guy does this by talking about how life has been unfair to him. How someone didn’t help him when he needed it. How someone treated him unfair. How a friend betrayed him, and so on.

I’m not saying things are harder for some people out there, and I have empathy for them. The kind I am talking about are oblivious to all the blessings out there, and would rather talk about the constant negatives.

This is the person so far gone in self-pity that the entire world becomes his battleground, where he is fighting a war which no one waged on him. Everyone is an enemy. Now, self-pity does attract attention, and sympathy, from the common bloke, but that attention and sympathy comes with an expiration date.

The outcome for both the kinds of narcissists is the same, the well adjusted person would rather want to distance himself from such people, because processing drama has a pretty short shelf life.

The point that I am trying to make is

There are two types of narcissists.

1. The Self-Promoter
2. The Martyr

The social implications for both kinds is the same, unless they correct their thought patterns.

If you stuck around this far, thank you for your time. If you enjoyed this, share this with one friend of yours whom you think will benefit from reading this. Thanks for reading, and I will see you in the next one. 🙂