132. We should choose suffering

Introduction

In today’s essay, I am going to argue how suffering is inevitable, no matter what decisions we make. But the intent is not nihilism. The intent is coherent with the theme of the rest of our interactions. It is personal development.

Read on, and let’s see if you disagree with me by the end.

Suffering is inevitable

No matter what we are choosing in life, some form of suffering comes bundled with it.

You start a new job, one which pays you more than your previous salary did. That comes with the suffering of understanding the new company, systems, people and processes.

You start a new relationship with the person you love. That comes with the suffering of having to compromise and alter your lifestyle to make the other person comfortable.

You begin learning a new skill, that you feel would be enjoyable or valuable to you. That comes with the suffering of having to navigate the nuances of the skill, hours upon hours of practice & sucking when you start.

This may be sounding nihilistic at first. It may make you want to not make decisions at all. But what if I told you that even not making these decisions comes with suffering?

But the flip side does not make things better

Let me substantiate this claim.

You decide to stay at your current job, because it is convenient and comfortable. That comes with the suffering of slower growth, limited experience and potential for complacency.

You decide to not partake in a relationship because that would allow you to live your life on your own terms. That comes with the suffering of never experiencing the love and happiness that every human being deserves.

You don’t learn new skills and are satisfied with what you know. That comes with the suffering of not being competent in multiple facets and the risk of obsolescence.

There is suffering in everything. It’s just a matter of perspective.

This begs the question, what the hell am I supposed to do then?

If that is so, then why not suffer now, and enjoy later?

The problem isn’t the suffering. The problem is in the perspective.

In my opinion, we should always choose to maximise the current suffering, contrary to popular belief.

Deep down, all of us know what the right decision is to make in any given situation. The problem arises when the desire for immediate comfort trumps the potential future benefits.

This often happens due to two primary reasons, and most of this process happens at a level so subconscious that we don’t even realise this is happening.

Decision Fatigue: It is a widely accepted reality that we can only make a finite amount of decisions in a day. The more things are left for us to decide, the higher the probability that we will compliantly walk down the path of least resistance. Whether or not that path is good for us is the question we are trying to answer in this essay. We don’t realise that we are ordering pizza late at night because our day was overly front-loaded with decision making at work or with our families.
Ambiguity of Outcomes: When the positive outcomes that accompany the future suffering of the right decisions are too abstract and intangible is when we default to the current suffering, even if the future positive outcomes far outweigh the present positive outcomes. The feeling of accomplishment we get after completing a workout is so abstract compared to huddling under the blanket in the morning, that we decide the regimen can start tomorrow, today is for us to sleep.
It’s not like we don’t know or understand that making these decisions is not good for us, but we do. Our brains are optimised for ensuring security & comfort, and that’s exactly where they guide us, left untethered from reality.

Don’t ask me, ask the kids

None of what I am stating here is new found knowledge. There was a study conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel in the late 1960s and 1970s. In that, he sat kids in a room with a single marshmallow in front of them, promising an extra marshmallow if they did not eat that one when left alone in the room.

Some kids ate the treat within seconds of Walter leaving the room. Some squirmed for a few minutes before succumbing to the temptation. And then finally, there were some resilient ones, who suffered through the pain of not eating a mouth-watering sweet treat in anticipation of an additional one.

The study did not end there. Walter followed these kids for decades, till the time they became adults. Turns out, the ones who waited for the second marshmallow were less likely to suffer from issues like obesity, substance abuse and even ended up having higher SAT scores. Basically, he found a direct correlation between delaying gratification and improved quality of life in the future.

Conclusion

We are all told to “follow our passions” in the modern age. In my opinion, we should not follow our passions.

The underlying principle with this advice of following one’s passion stems from the assumption that if we are enjoying what we are doing presently, it would lead to a good life.

In my opinion, chasing immediate suffering is better for us than optimising our lives for constant pleasure.

When I say suffering, I don’t mean doing things that cause you genuine anguish.

I mean things we know deep down are good for us, but are constantly replaced with immediately pleasurable activities caused by the vacuum of boredom. The things we know will give us some suffering right now, but the benefits, although incomprehensible at this time, will definitely manifest themselves sometime in the future.

Because, in the end, we are all suffering. We might as well get something out of it.